The worst thing imaginable happened to me today.

Okay….perhaps that is an exaggeration (definitely an exaggeration), but at this current moment, I feel like it.

I forgot my makeup bag at home.

Now, go ahead and un-roll your eyes from the back of your head. I realize for most people this would be a minor inconvenience or no big deal at all. But for me, this is kinda-a-big-deal.

We wake up really early. Like, REALLY early. So my normal routine is to get dressed, pack some breakfast, and drive to work. I enjoy listening to music or podcasts in the parking lot when I arrive while putting on my makeup. This gives me some time to wake up, sip some caffeine, and have some “quiet time” before the craziness of the show starts.

This morning though, I reached down to my passenger seat feeling around for my makeup kit, and it was pure emptiness. I turned on my overhead light, frantically hoping it had fallen to the floorboard…but it was nowhere to be found. I let out a curse word. I then remembered bringing it inside my apartment yesterday and knew exactly where it was sitting on my counter top. “DANG IT,” I thought.

I’m sure you’re like, “OMG Marissa you’re soooo dramatic, what is the big deal?!?”

Well, I’ve been struggling with acne. Deep/ cystic/ inflamed/ horribly embarrassing/ adult acne.

I’ve dealt with acne for as long as I can remember. Throughout high school and college it was not uncommon for me to have breakouts, especially around “that time of the month.”

But this is different. This has been uncontrollable, rapid spreading breakouts from the inside out.

*Change your diet* *Try this $150 cream* *Take these antibiotics/ birth control that worked for me* *Cut out dairy/ gluten**Use organic products* *Take this supplement*

Y’ALL. Trust me. I’ve tried it.

It got to the point where piling on the foundation and concealer STILL wouldn’t cover it, so I decided to visit a new dermatologist. (Not sponsored….but Derrow Dermatology has been a god-send. They are an all-female team who immediately made me feel at ease). We went over my acne history, and after MUCH discussion, we decided Isotretinoin (Accutane) would be my best last resort.

Now listen…I know this decision is not for everyone. It’s not one to make lightly. In fact, you CAN’T make it lightly. To simply obtain a prescription, you must sign two waivers, take an online test, confirm two negative pregnancy tests, have blood drawn, AND wait thirty days. *Cue my jaw on the floor.

But after much research and contemplation, I decided I am going to give it a try. I am educated on the side effects, and am prepared to start on this journey in a few weeks.

But in the meantime, I am still suffering from severe breakouts. And with no foundation to cake on, I feel naked and vulnerable today. My co-workers have seen me looking pretty rough, but no one besides my immediate family has seen my bare skin at this stage. I’m embarrassed. I’m self-conscious. I wanted to call in late to go back home for my “security blanket”. I even asked to borrow Rae’s compact which I knew was 4 shades too dark! I realize plenty of people have it worse, but nonetheless I’m not used to being this exposed.

I’m confident eventually this will be something that passes, and I’ll have the best before and after pics to share. But in the meantime, I am learning to accept myself with #NoFilter…breakouts and all!

Marissa

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